Do you ever just have one of those days? I've been having those on a more frequent basis lately- I think the lack of sleep and lack of husband combined with a moody, destructive toddler and a needy baby has been setting me off edge. Yesterday started off well, but by dinnertime there was a royal meltdown at the Thompson residence. It involved (I'm not proud to admit it) a good helping of crying and yelling between my son and I. I think at one point I called several members of my family to tell them I was going to kill my children or just kill myself and have done with it.
Well, luckily I didn't take any extreme measures. Nathan made it safely to bed and Emma fell asleep on me in the Bjorn (have I mentioned she won't sleep unless being held? Ya- it's adding to my insanity).
Anyway, I was sitting in tears on my couch when I decided to read my scriptures. It's not exactly the first thing you normally want to do when you feel bad about yelling at your kids and you're feeling totally overwhelmed and depressed, but I knew it's what I needed. I started reading a scripture chain on the topic of Jesus Christ as the Good Shepherd, and the first scripture in the chain was Psalms 23 (ie. The
Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want....).
It's probably one of the most commonly used scriptures in the Christian world, and yet I think because it's recited so much we lose the actual meaning of the words. For some reason as I was reading it last night, the words completely sunk in and it was as though I was reading it for the first time. It's hard to describe, but I saw it in a whole new light and I truly likened its meaning to what I was going through. I felt a wash of peace and comfort come over me. I knew that Heavenly Father loved me and that He was with me even though I had a less than stellar moment with my children (I don't mean this in an overly dramatic way, but I had seriously felt like I was in my own personal valley of the shadow of death during the meltdown). I knew He cared about my life and was there to make me feel better. My situation felt more doable- if that makes any sense.
Sometimes you just need a little buoying up and a reminder that everything is going to be ok. We all have our days- I just hope next time I'll do a better job of keeping it all in perspective, and if not, well, I'll head back to the scriptures... and probably have a pint of Ben and Jerry's while I'm at it.